To Forgive, Divine
by INMH
Summary: [Silent Hill Survivors Anonymous-Verse] Laura finds Mary. Warning: Spoilers, Discussion of Murder, Discussion of Canonical Established Character Death, Vague Implication of Attempted Suicide. Clarification for warnings in the note at the beginning.


To Forgive, Divine

**Rating:** PG/K+

**Genre:** Drama/Family/Hurt/Comfort/Supernatural

**Summary:** [Silent Hill Survivors Anonymous-Verse] Laura finds Mary. Warning: Spoilers, Discussion of Murder, Discussion of Canonical Established Character Death, Vague Implication of Attempted Suicide (Clarification inside).

**Author's Note:** As I started working out Laura's own, major story for the SHSA-verse, I figured it might be good to set some foundation for the story as far as what happened post-SH2 and how she ended up going with James.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Silent Hill, it belongs to Konami/Vatra. The title is sourced below.

**NOTE:**

**Discussion of Canonical Established Character Death: Refers to Mary's death. She's dead from the beginning of the story, and so idk if Major Character Death warning applies?**

**Vague Implication of Suicide Attempt: This one refers to James. I combined the "Leave" ending with the "In Water" ending, meaning that James attempts suicide. In this story, he isn't successful and it isn't shown, but subtly implied.**

**Kind of spoiled the story a little bit, but I figured I should warn in the event that those things bother anyone.**

[-]

"To err is human; to forgive, divine."

-Alexander Pope, _An Essay on Criticism_

[-]

Laura didn't know where else to look.

She'd gone to the park, she'd gone to the hotel- she had even checked the hospital, thinking that maybe Mary had gotten sick again and had to go there.

_The Mary you know isn't here._

James, he was full of it. First he said that Mary was dead, and then he said that the Mary _she_ knew wasn't there. So there was a Mary here? Laura didn't know what he meant by that, and James was just a giant fart-face- and fart-faces had a habit of lying. Laura didn't believe him, and she was going to keep looking for Mary until she found her.

But where to look?

Laura sat on the front steps of the hotel with her chin in her hands, thinking. She tried to remember the photos that Mary had showed her, the places that she had told her about when they were last together. She _could_ try the flower shop across the lake- Laura could recall Mary mentioning that they had had lilies there that she had liked- but if Mary _was_ there, then surely she wouldn't be there for long. Surely she'd have to come back to the hotel eventually, right?

Laura began to pout. She was getting tired of searching, tired of waiting. _Where_ was Mary?

Suddenly, something was fluttering in front of her face. Laura spluttered and swatted, hoping that it wasn't a spider-web- no, not a spider or its web, it had wings. She scooted up a few steps and moved back so that she could view whatever it was more carefully, and it was… A butterfly? She hadn't seen many of those in Silent Hill. It was too misty for them.

But after looking closer, Laura grimaced. It wasn't a butterfly- just a moth. It was a very dark moth, with shiny wings and a body far too fat and fuzzy to be a butterfly. Normally the ones Laura saw were white or gray, and swarmed around the streetlight outside of the orphanage at night. They were ugly, stupid things that died too easily, and Laura hated it when they flew into her face.

This one, though… It was a little pretty.

And then there was another. And another. And unlike the first, they didn't come close to her face: They fluttered enthusiastically overhead, aimless but never wandering too far from her. Laura squinted up at them, frowning. Why were they staying? There was no light here. She didn't know much about moths, but she'd never seen one that wasn't bouncing off of a light-bulb.

As the minutes passed, the moths began to stray, began to drift away from her, from the hotel. Laura glanced back reflexively at the hotel, as though Mary was about to appear in the doorway and call her inside. The moths were a fleeting interest, a detour from her frustration and dejection over Mary, and Laura didn't mean to stray far. She would make sure that the hotel stayed within her sights.

They flew in a line across the lawn, something Laura had never seen in moths (too dumb, she assumed). It looked like they were heading towards the water- also unusual, at least in her experience. But then, Silent Hill was a pretty strange place, wasn't it? She'd only seen three people in the whole town, and not a single animal apart from these bugs. It was as beautiful as Mary had promised, but still a bit weird.

The moths drifted down towards the dock, and Laura began to wonder if maybe they would try to cross the water. The lake was big- could they even fly that far without resting? Laura decided that she would watch until she couldn't see them anymore to see, and maybe-

There was someone on the dock.

Laura lost interest in the moths, her face falling into a scowl as she examined the silhouette in the distance. Was it James? It was probably James. He was the only one that she had seen at the hotel since she had arrived. Laura sure didn't want to see him, not after what he'd said- but maybe this could be fun. His back was to her, and if she was quiet enough, maybe she'd be able to sneak up on him and push him into the water.

But as she crept closer, Laura realized that it couldn't be James on the dock; James didn't have curves, and he wasn't that short. Maybe it was that woman Angela? Laura hadn't seen her in a while, not since she'd seen her moping around the apartment building. Well, maybe _she_ had seen Mary around town somewhere.

And then, no… No, it couldn't be Angela. Angela's hair was dark- this person had blonde hair, done up behind their head. It was definitely a woman, one in a skirt and pink shirt, and that looked _so_ familiar and halfway down the deck Laura stopped and stared and finally it _clicked_-

"_Mary!_"

It seemed almost too good to be true, that Mary could just appear from nowhere after Laura had spent so long searching. But it was her; when she turned around, it was Mary's eyes and Mary's smile and Mary's warmth.

"Laura!"

Laura charged forward as Mary knelt down, and the two met in a hug. "Mary! Mary! I looked for you everywhere! I looked at the hospital and in the park and the hotel and _where were you?_"

"Well…" Mary waved her hands with some vagueness. "…It's complicated, Laura. But it's been so long since I've seen you- tell me how you've been!"

The two of them sat at the end of the dock, and Laura told her about what had happened since she had left the hospital. Life at the orphanage hadn't changed much, other than the fact that Laura had to take a lot of medicine to make sure that she didn't get sick again, and that Mary's letters had been something to look forward to every week.

"When you didn't send anything, I thought maybe you got sicker, and so I pretended to be sick so that I could go back to the hospital."

Mary shook her head and sighed, but didn't look truly angry. "Laura."

Laura continued on. "Nobody would tell me where you were, and so I went into the nurse's room and found your letter in Rachel's locker." She went to reach for the letter, which she had been carrying in her pocket since she'd run away, but then frowned. "James has it. Will you make him give it back to me?"

Mary smiled. "He'll probably give it back if you ask him yourself."

Laura doubted that, and didn't want to talk about James anyway. "Well, I'm probably gonna be in trouble when I get back, but I don't care; I found you. So are you feeling better? You look better. Does this mean you don't have to be in the hospital anymore? Can you go home?"

For a moment, Mary seemed to be surprised by the question. She didn't respond, her mouth open slightly, until she made a somewhat uncertain noise and moved her shoulders in a slight shrug. "I… I'm not sick anymore, Laura. That's all over."

"That's great!" Laura said brightly, swinging her legs excitedly above the water. "Could we go to your house before I go back to the orphanage? I want to see it before I go back because I'm probably going to be in trouble and they won't let me later, and I really, _really_ want to see your garden!"

Silence.

Mary bit her lip and looked away for a moment, eyes directed at the water. Her hands were clasped on her lap, and Laura could see that her knuckles were a little white. She swallowed, and then turned back. "Laura," She began, in that soft and gentle tone she'd had when they'd first met. The last time Laura had seen her, Mary's voice had been rougher; Mary had said it was the illness, and Laura hadn't prodded any further. "I can't go with you."

The full force of that statement didn't hit immediately, largely because Laura didn't believe it. "Why not?"

Mary's expression flickered from peaceful to sad, and Laura recognized it immediately as the same look adults always had when they didn't want to tell her the truth. "I just can't."

"But why _not?_ You can walk with me. We'll leave together. You can kick James out for being a moron, and we can be together!"

Mary chuckled. "I can't make James go anywhere, Laura. And I wouldn't want to." She paused. "But I can't leave here. This is… The only place where anyone can see me anymore."

Laura chewed on that for a moment, wondering, remembering what James had said in the hotel. "James said that he killed you." Mary didn't say anything, nor did her expression change. "Is it true? Did he kill you? Are you a ghost?"

Mary took a deep breath, thought for a moment, and then smiled and clapped her hands together. "I suppose I am."

Laura shrugged. She believed well enough in the idea of ghosts; enough to believe they exist, but not enough to be frightened of them, to think that they could be around any dark corner. Nothing about Mary could be frightening to her, really. "But you could still leave, couldn't you? You can walk with me," Laura repeated, a little more desperately this time, "Hold my hand and we won't get separated. I'll make sure you don't disappear again."

But the look on Mary's face made it clear that it wasn't going to happen. Laura knew that Mary would go with her if she could- she wouldn't say no unless she meant it. Laura's face fell, her shoulders slumped, and for a moment she was almost certain that she was going to cry. It wasn't fair; Mary was the only person in the world who cared about her. Why couldn't they just stay together?

And then, quite quickly, the sadness turned to anger when she realized that the answer was simple: James.

"I hate him. I hate James! Why did he have to kill you? He's such a- Such a-!" Laura swung her foot angrily and very nearly sent her shoe flying into the water.

"Laura," Mary said, setting a hand on Laura's shoulder. "Honey, please don't be mad at him."

"But he killed you! He killed you, and he never came to visit you when you were sick, and he just- he didn't care about you!"

"James did something very, very wrong. I know that, and so do you." She smiled a little at the emphatic nod Laura gave in response. "But Laura…" Mary hesitated, and was quiet for a good two minutes. Laura waited with a patience and respect she wouldn't have given too many other adults. "…Laura, I know it's hard for you to understand, but when things go badly, people… People don't always act the way that they should. James is human, and humans aren't perfect. I'm dead, Laura; but James is still alive, and he has a chance to live a long and happy life. Holding onto anger won't do either of us any good. It won't do you any good either."

"But he _killed_ you," Laura insisted again, wondering how Mary could continue to excuse that. "He made you _die_."

"I was already dying, Laura. It was going to happen eventually; James just hurried it along." She paused again. "It was wrong- I'm not excusing what he did. Killing people is wrong, of course. But from… _This_ side, I can see his regret. I can see how much he misses me, and how much he hates himself for what he's done. I've forgiven him, but he may never forgive himself for it."

Laura turned away and glared straight ahead into the fog. "Doesn't mean I have to."

Mary sighed. "I'm not saying that you should agree with what he did. I'm not saying that murder is an acceptable answer. But James made… A very serious mistake."

"A _mistake?_" Laura squawked, breaking her staring contest with nothing so that she could look at Mary again.

"A _big_ mistake. A bad, bad choice. But Laura, it can't be undone. Nothing can make me alive again, and nothing can make James…"

"Not a murderer?" Laura suggested coldly.

Mary nodded wearily. "All we can do is move forward, move on. There's no excuse for what he did; but James isn't an evil man. I've seen monsters in this world, Laura, men and women who have done terrible, terrible things, and James…" She turned and stared into the distance for a moment, her eyes unfocused. "James is not one of them. In time, you'll see that."

Laura didn't get it. She _couldn't_.

Killing was bad. Killing other people was bad- unless they tried to kill you first, and Laura was pretty certain that Mary hadn't tried to shoot or stab or blow up James first. How could James _not_ be bad?

But her resolve was weakening, just a little bit. If there was any person in the world that Laura trusted, that she had faith in, it was Mary. Mary was smart, Mary was kind, Mary was good, and Mary loved Laura. She would _never_ suggest to her that James was a good man when he wasn't. She would warn Laura away from him, just like she had suggested that Laura keep her distance from that teacher at school who liked to scream at students in front of the entire class.

Mary would never lead her astray. Laura _knew_ that.

And so as much as she hated James… Maybe she didn't need to hate him _quite_ as much?

Mary was still watching her. "You don't have to forgive him all at once, Laura. You can forgive him a little, day by day. You don't even have to completely forgive him, so long as most of the anger is gone." She reached over and clasped Laura's hand in her own. "For now, though, will you try to forgive him? For me?"

Laura glanced at Mary's face out of the corner of her eye, and she deflated with defeat. "I guess." She muttered. "But I'm still angry at him."

"That's okay," Mary assured her, squeezing her hand. "Anger's normal. But holding onto it forever will only hurt you. Letting it go feels so much better, believe me." Laura could see that her eyes were starting to water, and she focused on Mary's neck rather than her face so that she didn't start crying herself. "For all of his flaws, Laura, James is, at his core, a good man. I hope you can see that someday."

[-]

They walked hand-in-hand along the edge of the lake, along a path through the forest that laid on the edge of the water. The fog was thicker than it was before.

"James will look after you," Mary said, saying nothing when Laura made a face at that. "Even if he can't adopt you, I know he'll make sure you're doing all right."  
"He thinks I'm a snotty little brat," Laura sniffed doubtfully.

"He was angry and scared. And to be fair, Laura, you shouldn't have tricked him." She rolled her eyes when Laura shrugged innocently. "In any case, you can rely on him."

They both froze for a moment at the sound of distant splashing. "What was that?" Laura asked, squinting at the water despite not being able to see anything through the fog.

"Probably nothing," Mary said, but her tone was unconvincing. "It could be a beaver, or a duck." Laura thought about mentioning that she hadn't seen any animals since coming to Silent Hill, but didn't.

"Are we going somewhere?" She asked, and Mary nodded.

"To James." Laura grimaced, but said nothing. "He's going to take you out of here. We're almost to where he's supposed to be."

Laura kicked a rock in her path with a little too much force, as though it had offended her in some way. "Are you going to be here forever? Will I be able to come see you?"

Mary didn't look at her. "Probably not, sweetheart. I'll probably go where everyone else goes when they die."

"Heaven?" At least, that's what the nuns told her.

"I suppose so."

Laura's heart began to pound. She'd just found Mary, and now she was going to leave and never come back?

_It's not fair. It's just not __**fair**_.

This couldn't be it. This _couldn't_ be the last time she saw Mary, spoke to her, held her hand and walked with her. Mary was her first friend, her _only_ friend, and now Laura had to be alone again? (James didn't count, he was still a fart-face and fart-faces were bad company.)

Laura gripped Mary's hand almost defiantly. "I don't want you to go," She muttered lowly. She wouldn't cry. She _wouldn't_.

Mary stopped, turned, and knelt down in front of Laura, bringing her hands up to rest on the little blonde's shoulders. "I know it's hard," She said, eyes starting to water again. "But we have good memories together, Laura. If you ever need to feel good, remember them and feel happy again. You made me so happy when I was so sad, Laura. Thank you for that."

She leaned forward and kissed Laura's forehead. Laura sniffed and started blinking rapidly to stop the tears from falling. "You made me happy too." She put her arms around Mary's neck and buried her face into the woman's hair. "Don't go."

"We all have to go someday, honey. We'll see each other again." The embrace lasted for a few minutes until, finally, Mary gently pulled away and looked Laura in the eye. "I want you to have a long, happy life. I want you to do everything you dream of and more. I want you to _live_, Laura, and I'll be watching you all the while." She smiled. "And try not to give everyone too much grief, all right?"

Laura forced her chin to steady and blinked away the rest of the tears. "Okay."

Mary stood, placed a hand on Laura's back, and gave her a light push ahead. "James is on the beach, right over there."  
"Don't you want to say goodbye to him?"

"He and I have already said goodbye. If he sees me now, it will only hurt him. You go on ahead."

Laura took a few steps, stopped, and then looked back. "Goodbye, Mary."

Mary smiled, one tinged with a little bit of sadness, and waved. "Goodbye, Laura."

Laura started to walk again. Then, again, she stopped and looked back. Mary was still there, now with a touch of amusement. Laura walked again, finally leaving the cover of the trees, only to stop and look- and yes, Mary was still there. Laura walked on again, a bit longer this time, and looked back again- Mary was still there, hands clasped in front of her.

Laura sighed and turned away again, took several more steps, and could see a dim silhouette on the beach below. She hesitated, and then turned back.

Only this time, Mary was gone.

Laura's heart plummeted into her stomach. There was no avoiding it now: Mary was gone for good. Part of her wanted to rush back into the trees and cry for Mary to come back, but she knew it would do no good. If Mary could come back, if she could stay, she would have.

For a moment she breathed shallowly, the feelings inside rising up with unexpected force until she forced them back down again. She was sad, but James was _not_ going to see her cry. No way.

Laura shook her head, wiped away all traces of wetness on her face, and started off down to the beach below.

James was sitting in the sand a little ways away from the water, with his back to her- was he wet? Yes, yes he was. Laura's brow furrowed in confusion. Yeah, James was weird, but how weird did a guy have to be to go swimming at a time and place like this?

She sucked in a deep breath, tried to look as though she was completely unbothered, "What are you doing here, jerk-face?"

James jerked sharply before whipping around to face her. He blinked, looking at her almost as though he didn't recognize her. "…Laura?"

"That's my name," Laura snipped, putting her hands on her hips and cocking her head to the side. "Why are you wet?"

The man stared at her for a moment longer, and then looked down at his clothes. "Uh… It's… A long story."

"Whatever. So are you just gonna sit there, or are we leaving?"

James looked taken aback. "Leaving? Us? Together?"

"Yeah. I can't find that fatso Eddie, so I guess I have to go with you." Laura pulled some of her hair over her shoulder and glared at James challengingly as he processed that.

"I didn't think… You want to go with me? I thought you were still angry at me for…" He trailed off. He didn't need to say it.

Laura sighed, and figured that she may as well say it. "I forgive you."

"What?"

She rolled her eyes. "I _forgive you_, stupid." She snapped. Then Laura hesitated, wondering if she should bring Mary into it. After a moment's thought, she didn't see what harm it could do. "Mary asked me to. She said that you're not really _bad_, you just made a bad _decision_." She sighed and crossed her arms. "So I forgive you. I'm still angry, and you're still a fart-face, but I forgive you."

James slowly stood up, and he looked almost funny with the water dripping from his clothes. "Laura…"

Laura rolled her eyes. "Don't get mushy on me. Mary's gone now, and so we don't need to stay here anymore."

His eyes went sad at that in a way she hadn't seen before, and for a moment, Laura wondered if she had been wrong. Maybe James _did_ love Mary.

All the same, it didn't change the fact that he'd killed her, and Laura was still angry about that.

"All right," James said with a shrug. "We'll have to walk, though. My car is…" He glanced out at the lake and sighed. "It's, uh, gone."

Laura mirrored the shrug and started off towards the other side of the beach. "It's okay, I can walk. But you'd better keep up!"

She thought she heard James laugh just a little before following after her.

-End

Note: It was kind of difficult to write this without making it sound like Mary was excusing James, y'know, _killing_ her, and I hope it didn't come across that way- I was trying to go off of the tone and attitude she projected in the "Leave" ending of the game.


End file.
